saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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