Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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