OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
