you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
