drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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