I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk is not a location!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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