I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
