I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize