The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
