just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
