Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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