At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
