my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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