I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and she was petting her beer can
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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