It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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