I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
