You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
