i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
