So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
