Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
