The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
