I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
