You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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