fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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