I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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