Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
