He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
