awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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