The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
