Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
