my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
