There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
