dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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