i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
