MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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