dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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