at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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