Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
