hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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