I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
FUCK WHALES
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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