He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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