About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
