the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize