i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
