Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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