Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
