Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
