I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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