Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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