Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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