You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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