I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
