chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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