Buhtt sex?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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