the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
