She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize