"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize