I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
