I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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