in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
