I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
