He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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