Will you blow on my dice?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize