I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
