I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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